U.S. Open and Mary Lopuszynski

My spouse, who is reading the new John Feinstein golf book, Open, informed me at supper that it has U2 content (though not U2 spiritual content). The culprit is Mary Lopuszynski, Director of U.S. Open Merchandising. Excerpt:

Mary was thirty-eight, 5 feet 6, with dirty-blond hair, a friendly smile, and one deep, dark secret that she tried to keep strangers from learning: she was (is) an absolute, completely out of her mind U2 groupie. She would travel anywhere, anytime to see the group perform, and according to informed sources, would scream, yell, dance, and act like a complete fool at any U2 concert she could get to.... What made the whole U2 thing so amusing to those who knew her was that it was so completely out of character. If you were to suggest that she grew fangs at night and slept in a coffin it would have been slightly more believable than the notion of her screaming her lungs out at a rock concert.

...[Sigh.] They're saying this about me, aren't they?